So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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