Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
