the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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