You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
3pm strippers are depressing
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
