yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize