my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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