my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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