she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
