Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
