can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
