Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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