Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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