i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In other news, I just burned my penis
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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