just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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