And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
