i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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