God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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