Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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