Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
