im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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