I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia