I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag