You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??