i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks