my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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