i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
