Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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