I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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