she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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