My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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