our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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