he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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