What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine