I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?