i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.