remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.