I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN