Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship