I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?