Small penises have feelings too.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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