tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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