I heard we made out
We named our party play list daddy issues
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she smelled like a LAN party
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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