to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
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I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
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DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize