you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
