i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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