i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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