Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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