how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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