And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
