Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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