I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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