It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
