Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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