im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face