so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.