hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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