My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by