I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
two words...techno handjob
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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