awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.