I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again