so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize