Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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