Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
